Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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