it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
