Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
