we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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