Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
