No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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