How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
