I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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