just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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