This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
