it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
