I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
