I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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