i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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