I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
