Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
