Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
