So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
