YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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