but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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