I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
