Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
