And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
