My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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