yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
