I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
