Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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