And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
