By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
