But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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