Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
