Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
