I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
