Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
