If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
