Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I've blown a few things in my day
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
