I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
