The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
