Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
