Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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