It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
