Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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