The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
