anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
