I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
