I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
