So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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