no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
