life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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