Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
