you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
