ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
